Who I Am

I wil be 50 this March... That in it's self is a miracle considering the obstacles and hurdles that I have gotten through. I am proud to say that I will be 50 , it's a great number I'm not green I've seen things and experienced plenty.
However, shy of 50 marks a monumental hurdle and Thanks to my parents a major discovery for me...
I have recently found information about my heritage, and found family members I never knew existed and so many! All through a now popular company 23 and Me .. I have a brother that I never knew about!  We are exploring and learning and investigating information to find out who our Biological Father is :)
This is huge for anyone, I feel it is huge for me and I am so excited and grateful to have  the tools and opportunity to learn more about who I am .
Also as I approach 50 to be grateful what I have yet to do , see , experience, learn, dance more ,go do things that I haven’t done. 

I will continue to live my life and even at 50 grow and learn and live who I am.

Getting back to Normalcy

 15 months of recovering from an abusive man and relationship is just the minute tip of the virtual iceberg. I don’t know where to begin, I still jump at weird noises Still look out of my window  and shoulder to make sure no one is watching my house . Stalking , invading . 

I feel it will be a very long process to getting back to normalcy since it took years if abuse to knock me and my children down. It’s not as easy as now he’s gone move on… Doesn’t work like that it is so much more difficult to quiet my brain of fears and static of always being on guard and not being able to enjoy the skin I am in. To help my kids heal to live life and smile and laugh .

I don’t trust anymore, so how does one go about regaining the faith in people after all of the hurtful damaging words and actions they have carried out? To then invest in myself and even get to a point to trust another man? 

I cringe at the thought and feel it will be a very long time to get to a place where I can trust another with all that I have to offer… My children have learned a sad but valuable lesson and with patience love and support and faith I hope that they too will not be scarred from this..

It is the hardest at night when all is quiet and the noise begins…  Getting back to Normalcy.