A Parents Wish

When I think about where I am in life now at this point and at my age, I didn't realize how much I have accomplished until recently.. Let me explain, When you have a child or children you never really know how they will turn out you just hope that along the way you teach them the important essentials for them to turn out like responsible , caring , giving, compassionate , respectful adults.

And with the proper guidance and mutual respect for each other and education they will.
Now sure we make mistakes, no one is perfect . Kids and being a parent doesn't come with a manual..
Everything is a first.

Fist child, everything that happens is crucial they sniffle you call the doctor, you worry about every little thing! Am I right?!

Then if you have a second child(or more), you've learned from the first that it's not so scary, and to relax and that if it isn't major? A bump , a bruise, you pick them up check them out, and dust them off and tell them that they're ok and they're on their way.

But as they age , and begin to go into all of their many different phases of growth and life as separate entities and make their own mistakes and they are then old enough to be on their own you hope that they don't ever forget where they came from . The struggles you had whether minor or major the things you did together as a family , your bond . You pray that they come visit  you , spend time with you and call you  just to say hi at best..

I am now seeing that I did ok as a parent, my kids like me as a person I see visibly that they love me and that they want to spend time with me and value my opinions. They call me to ask my advice for different things.
That is what I and I think any parent can hope for.
I have four beautiful smart , compassionate, kind, sweet , loving, funny, children. I am grateful to have the honor of being a parent and the ability to have children. I am grateful to have all of the gifts that come along with being their parent and friend.
So , as long as you do your best, with honesty and patience and respect and teach them all you can it's all going to work out you'll see :)
A Parent's Wish

Safe Child

The thought for me as a parent of one of my children going missing takes my breath away. They don't give it a thought, me? I think about it often.. I was in a situation where my son was taken without my permission and kept against his will already once and it took me over a year to get him back. It was his father, he took him for a visit and then never brought him back to me brain washed him , and discharged him from school and for a whole school year.

It is raw and painful, scary and damaging. Therapy is key and open lines of communication between my son and I are crucial. I hug him often, I try my best to have patience always which can be trying! And  to listen and keep my mouth shut.

See my son didn't think that it was wrong because it was his father, and that was the confusing part to him.. Although now 3 years later he realizes it was wrong and was kidnapping. It must mess with his mind a little . He was missed , he is loved tremendously and I can't imaging losing him indefinitely... I would be broken, missing part of my soul to all who have lost a child my heart goes out to you I'm so sorry. I hope someday there can be some comfort found that you are a great parent and person and not to beat yourself up about it.

Don't be afraid to check in their rooms, listen in, ask questions and check on where they say they are because the thought of one of our children would be devastating.

Appreciaton

Appreciation comes in many different ways, it comes in ways sometimes people take for granted. It is shown in a look, through an act , or in words. It is always great when it is given in return , it feels good to know that we are not taken for granted,  that what we do without even thinking out of the goodness of our souls .
It feels great to give , to do for someone else who needs help physically , mentally, emotionally or monetarily.
It is important to give , and it is more wonderful to show and receive appreciation.

Spiritual Moment

Everyone at some point has had and will have someone close to them that they love that they will lose. It is inevitable it is life, No one likes loss it hurts.. It sucks . I am going through that right now and I had the coolest thing happen to me yesterday that I must share  with you.

I had an appointment, I did what I needed to do and then walked out of the building and sat on a bench and enjoyed the beautiful weather . As I am sitting on the bench, a Grasshopper flies in front of my face and lands to my right and I am watching it look at me and as I am watching this creature it starts to bob back and forth. It sits there for a good couple of minutes and then flew right next to me on my left and sat there for as long as I was there  which was ten minutes. Right next to my foot, just hanging out with me
.
Now I don't know if any of you have knowledge of the meaning of Grasshoppers and that they have many meanings to different cultures. They are said to be Lucky, to be a Totem" if you will and hold prosperity. I believe in  the spiritual world and all of what it has to offer. This Grasshopper meant something But I did not understand it until after I was home and spoke to my mother.

But I felt a sense of calm, I didn't question it I just felt good. I traveled home and was home not a half an hour before my mother calls me to tell me that my Aunts health is deteriorating rapidly and it is then that I realized that was it!
It could have been her leaving her body and she was paying me a visit before she moved on. She is only here right now as a shell, no communication no awareness comatose if you will to me this had great meaning.
Sometimes you don't have to have a reason to believe. You just do.. You feel it and you can't explain it,  it  just IS.

There is a reason for everything  this was my profound spiritual moment :)

Just Want You to Know

As I sat in your room with you watching you put on your makeup, It brought me back to when I was a child and reminded me of how time is precious. How I appreciated that time and enjoyed watching you put your makeup on.

It's a reminder that it's the small things in life that can be monumental and we shouldn't take these moments though fleeting for granted.

I sat on your bed watching you , and my eyes started to well up with tears... They welled up with tears because I appreciate you, I Love You and I couldn't bare to be without you. The mere thought of one day you not being here for me to just call and say hi and hear your voice was devastating to me..
Horribly scary, As I see you struggling with your own fears, and pains I really can not bare the thought of losing you. So I just want you to know that I Love You, I appreciate you and all of our time together...

If I Could

If I could? I would, I would erase all of the pain , hurt, and sorrow in your heart.. I want you to know that when you hurt? I hurt, I might not show it like I should . Or enough but I see your struggle, I see the look in your eyes , and I feel your pain. I just want you to know that I Love you, and that I am hear for you .. As always , an ear to listen to you a shoulder to cry on a pair of arms to hug you.

Not even to speak if necessary, I am here, I will always be here for you as you have been for me I Love you , if I could? I would....

Life Is Good

Today like everyday , I am Grateful. I am middle aged, I am over all healthy with some minor bumps and bruises I am here  alive and kickin. I have all my limbs, all my wits, healthy children and Parents and an amazing man.
What do I have to complain about? Not a Damn thing.. I am happy in love and appreciated, Rich in Love , Family  and Values. I am at peace in my life, my soul and am glad to be an American.
Going down south to see my family for a mini vacation see you on the other side <3

Good Morning,

As you sit on the edge of your bed, rub your hands over your face and clean the sleep from your eyes and run your fingers through your hair I want you to not think about today as a stressful day. No matter what comes your way Breathe, Take it easy, enjoy life your freedom the people in your life and all that you have . Because you just never know.. Tell those you love in your life how much you love them hug them love your self, and forgive your self for mistakes that you have made . Because holding onto resentment and to things that you could have done differently? Can't be changed, Let 

Go... , Be..  Do... Love yourself and others..
Smile often, Take a chance today on something you normally wouldn't. Try something you never have before like a new food.
Be yourself No matter what. Because today is good day :)

There's No Manual that gets you ready for recovery from cancer. I wish they had one, that would be amazing.. But they don't so you are left on your own to learn and deal with all of the issues that come up  as you go along. It's very humbling I have to say. It isn't something that I like to talk about in great detail, But lately I feel like it is a crucial part of MY recovery emotionally , and Physically to talk about it.
I knew because it was on paper that I would have dry mouth, and a weird taste in my mouth, But the things that are deeper like at the age of 44 I'll get thrown into early Menopause, the tiredness that doesn't go away heavy legged, hair loss, that after a complete thyroidectomy and radiation that I would lose my teeth, that My sense of smell and taste have diminished.
All things that you can not really prepare for you are just thrown into the fire so to speak and we all cope differently.

My coping has on occasion been put off, and by that I mean as a mother you are looked upon by your husband and children as the strong one who is strong and family sometimes has  problems coping with you not being strong. I fought Cancer, and it looks like so far? I'm kicking it's ASS so I feel stronger than I have I a while.

The journey isn't over I have a bit more to go, but since I am busy convincing my children and husband that I am ok "I'll be fine" Sometimes you lose track of your recovery or the feelings that come along with it.
It's ok to cry, to still be scared I found out, and  I have a huge amount of gratitude for life and my family.
I will say this and no offense to anyone that has told someone you love and respect this-- A cancer survivor does not ever want to hear " Well, as far as cancers go thyroid cancer is the best one to have!! " NO.... I'm scared to death, Do Not minimize what I feel by telling me that  . I have all kinds of things I am going through physically  now and will be for how ever long and as far as I am concerned? The best kind of CANCER to have? IS NO CANCER :)
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