Patience Has it's Rewards

Some have it more than others, It is something that we learn from the time we are born. And it is learned in so many situations through life we get better at it hopefully through time and life's lessons. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that we are given lessons to grow from.
I, even now as an adult have had my patience tested and some of us are more tolerant than others.
I feel that it is up to us to react, or to step back from a situation that we are in to see the meaning of what is to be... And not everyone can see this test at the time but if we can excercise this more often than not? The outcome can be better.
In a situation that we are powerless in, sometimes that is ALL we can do ... Is to be patient and in my life , and a lesson I have just learned it was beneficial for me and turned out better than I ever could have dreamed.
At times we want to give up, quit and walk away and we don't is when we are pleasantly surprised. I have been pleasantly surprised and I couldn't be happier. I am willing to continue learning and am not afraid to say at almost 50, that I am still a student of life and will continue to welcome a learning experience..

I Will Wait....

As long as it takes, I will wait. I will wait for the need for you to contact me, the emotional need intellectual  , or any other reason that you can think of to make that initial first contact. I have thought about this for a very long time I did not know many years ago that we could be so accessible to each other via internet tools and search engines. But here we are and a day that I have thought about since the day you left my arms could happen now at any time. Please consider that I too am scared, and do not know what to expect. That I too have questions, and a need to talk and to someday hopefully meet you in person. This has been a physical need as much as an emotional need and just because the circumstances are and have been what they are? Does not mean I Love you any less ---
So I Will Wait, as long as it takes.

How do I say this?

You are someone that I care about, respect , and love. I worry about you and your safety , with this ugly habit that isn't predjudice and takes many people with its ugliness every day-- I Love you, Please stop or I fear you will die. We all know someone , who has an addiction problem  and that we can't stop someone if they don't want help and aren't ready and hit their bottom. It is a grueling process to watch the people  that you love slowly kill themselves .
It rips families apart , takes Jobs, Careers, Eduacation,Daughters, Sons, Mothers, Brothers, Sisters, Uncles , Fathers Grandmothers and Grandfathers... No one is exempt it kills every day accessible or not so accessible they get it , find a way to get it and it could be their last. All we can do is show our support , Love and patience and pray.. The rest is up to them and G-d and their willingness to change the situation towards a better them . A Better life , hopefully we make an impact by showing sincere concern and a gentle push in the positive direction they need. So very difficult to see it, experience it, lose someone you love... How do I say this?

Social Media Can be A Tool

So Let me explain,
As you know my big brother really is at this very moment traveling on the PCT ok no joke. He is brave, and resourceful and strong and in amazing physical health but things can and have gone wrong for others along this journey. Hopefully not my brother but when I start to see as I am watching my brothers face book page for updates and status reports a friend is worried. It starts to make us all think and then the panic starts. Of the what if's and our hearts and emotions get there best of us Right??
Ok, Well it happened Jefe' is making wonderful strides in distance and how much he is traveling but then all of the sudden there is a great pause and his checking in with family and friends no pictures  or anything! I knew where he was headed and I know that along this journey check-ins are mandatory... But no check in with us and I called the most recent check in station he was supposed to arrive at but he had not checked in ok now I am beyond nervous because the reality of this cumbersome trail hits .
Needless to say we inform state police and park rangers and sheriffs of what is happening phone company is pinging his phone to get a location and all we can do is wait... It was the longest wait in my life! In all reality it was only about 8 hours, but that is ridiculous when you're holding your breathe with tension trying to hope for ONLY the best.
Thank G-d my brother had re-surfaced and he is exhausted and hungry enduring the toughest weather yet but he is filled with appreciation, accomplishment, pride and self gratification in knowing how far he has come and in my opinion? Just how far he CAN GO!!
So Keep Going!!
but the reason I say that social media can be a tool is this, People I did not even know came to the front line to step up and help social media is most definitely a tool that helps facilitate the out reach within a community and far to virtually hold hands if you will and be strong as a unit and help get through trying times. I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have the support of others who love my brother to get a search and rescue going and to communicate with each other.
It was beautiful!!!

Traveling the PCT

To my Big Brother who is Brave, Smart, Resourceful, Impressive and Courageous Thank You for sharing with us in your trying times of battling depression and trying to figure who you are at 50.. Thank You for being braver than you realize It takes a lot of courage to face your fears, short comings let alone doing it on one of the biggest and roughest trails our country has to offer.
Thanks for being you I Love You!!! Traveling the PCT

Meaning in A piece of Art

What do you see when you look at this tattoo? It  has meaning to me, it's a fresh start coming out of a scary truth and having the strength to do so. It's a new beginning and has hope. What do you see when you look at this tattoo?

Shooting Star

I wished upon a star the other night,
Shining bright spitting light in it's flight down from the sky I rubbed my eyes wondering if what I just saw was real?
Sure  enough if you wish for it, It can happen the strength in a wish and wanting something to happen can mean all the difference in something.... In Anything I Thanked the big man upstairs for giving me the blessing that fell from the sky and took it as it was meant to be for why else would it have happened?
The small things have most meaning to me and I am So grateful for them. For the grass under my toes, for the blue skies, for the rain to cleanse the earth and water the flowers and trees and replenish the waters. For clean water to drink, for the roof over my head and a bed to sleep in, for shoes on my feet and clothes on my back. For laughter and love in my life, for my children and their health . My parents and another day in this crazy world with all that's going on...
Thank You for letting me wish upon a Shooting Star <3

I Am Here

No Matter what , I am here... I will be here as long as I am alive and breathing, You are special to me and all that it entails. I have many fond memories of us hanging out ,Playing, talks, laughing and crying Family Trips and Vacations.

I know that you are going through something larger than life, that you don't have answers to and hopefully you find answers. Hopefully you find Peace and Happiness in your life and you make some sense of all of this.  You deserve that, You helped people of all walks of life, saving them from themselves. Breathing life into those who couldn't breath for themselves, Delivered babies, you have worked so hard. And I am so proud, you became a Dr. and have continued for all of these years to help others selflessly  it is an honor to be your sister I Love You and,... I Am Here.

Depression

Unless you're directly dealing with depression or with a loved one in depression? You can not possibly understand how difficult it is. And by that I mean to watch someone suffer and not be able to do anything to change their situation. Unless they opt to do something about it themselves? There is nothing we can do and THAT is the helpless feeling that follows. I,/We hurt and speaking from personal experience I feel so frustrated and sad that I can not help my loved one.

What to do? The only thing that I can do? Is let them know that I Love them, and I miss them  and that I am here for them ready to listen, to talk. If I don't do what I feel , and I Ignore that urge to say what I need to? I Might never be able to tomorrow is never promised. So No regrets I don't want to live with regrets ever... I am good so far, hopefully that doesn't change.

Hoping for a happier tomorrow for my family ...

All I can Do Is Listen

Losing a Parent is devastating, My significant other has lost his father. All I can do is cry out of deep sadness in compassion for him and the pain he must be feeling. I can only listen so he can try to begin to process this gut wrenching hurt. I can hold him and wipe away tears, and wipe the snot from his nose and rock him and listen but he has a long difficult road to acceptance. And after significant time can he then begin to heal and move on. Right now? It seems in obtainable, to raw and so sad .

I never got to meet him our kids never got to meet him, that hurts because even with his short comings, he seemed to be an incredible exemplary specimen of a Father. He was in the military, and a math genius..

The kids and I would have loved him I am sure of it.. Rest easy now your family misses you.

All I can do is Listen :(