A Parents Wish

When I think about where I am in life now at this point and at my age, I didn't realize how much I have accomplished until recently.. Let me explain, When you have a child or children you never really know how they will turn out you just hope that along the way you teach them the important essentials for them to turn out like responsible , caring , giving, compassionate , respectful adults.

And with the proper guidance and mutual respect for each other and education they will.
Now sure we make mistakes, no one is perfect . Kids and being a parent doesn't come with a manual..
Everything is a first.

Fist child, everything that happens is crucial they sniffle you call the doctor, you worry about every little thing! Am I right?!

Then if you have a second child(or more), you've learned from the first that it's not so scary, and to relax and that if it isn't major? A bump , a bruise, you pick them up check them out, and dust them off and tell them that they're ok and they're on their way.

But as they age , and begin to go into all of their many different phases of growth and life as separate entities and make their own mistakes and they are then old enough to be on their own you hope that they don't ever forget where they came from . The struggles you had whether minor or major the things you did together as a family , your bond . You pray that they come visit  you , spend time with you and call you  just to say hi at best..

I am now seeing that I did ok as a parent, my kids like me as a person I see visibly that they love me and that they want to spend time with me and value my opinions. They call me to ask my advice for different things.
That is what I and I think any parent can hope for.
I have four beautiful smart , compassionate, kind, sweet , loving, funny, children. I am grateful to have the honor of being a parent and the ability to have children. I am grateful to have all of the gifts that come along with being their parent and friend.
So , as long as you do your best, with honesty and patience and respect and teach them all you can it's all going to work out you'll see :)
A Parent's Wish

Safe Child

The thought for me as a parent of one of my children going missing takes my breath away. They don't give it a thought, me? I think about it often.. I was in a situation where my son was taken without my permission and kept against his will already once and it took me over a year to get him back. It was his father, he took him for a visit and then never brought him back to me brain washed him , and discharged him from school and for a whole school year.

It is raw and painful, scary and damaging. Therapy is key and open lines of communication between my son and I are crucial. I hug him often, I try my best to have patience always which can be trying! And  to listen and keep my mouth shut.

See my son didn't think that it was wrong because it was his father, and that was the confusing part to him.. Although now 3 years later he realizes it was wrong and was kidnapping. It must mess with his mind a little . He was missed , he is loved tremendously and I can't imaging losing him indefinitely... I would be broken, missing part of my soul to all who have lost a child my heart goes out to you I'm so sorry. I hope someday there can be some comfort found that you are a great parent and person and not to beat yourself up about it.

Don't be afraid to check in their rooms, listen in, ask questions and check on where they say they are because the thought of one of our children would be devastating.

Appreciaton

Appreciation comes in many different ways, it comes in ways sometimes people take for granted. It is shown in a look, through an act , or in words. It is always great when it is given in return , it feels good to know that we are not taken for granted,  that what we do without even thinking out of the goodness of our souls .
It feels great to give , to do for someone else who needs help physically , mentally, emotionally or monetarily.
It is important to give , and it is more wonderful to show and receive appreciation.

Spiritual Moment

Everyone at some point has had and will have someone close to them that they love that they will lose. It is inevitable it is life, No one likes loss it hurts.. It sucks . I am going through that right now and I had the coolest thing happen to me yesterday that I must share  with you.

I had an appointment, I did what I needed to do and then walked out of the building and sat on a bench and enjoyed the beautiful weather . As I am sitting on the bench, a Grasshopper flies in front of my face and lands to my right and I am watching it look at me and as I am watching this creature it starts to bob back and forth. It sits there for a good couple of minutes and then flew right next to me on my left and sat there for as long as I was there  which was ten minutes. Right next to my foot, just hanging out with me
.
Now I don't know if any of you have knowledge of the meaning of Grasshoppers and that they have many meanings to different cultures. They are said to be Lucky, to be a Totem" if you will and hold prosperity. I believe in  the spiritual world and all of what it has to offer. This Grasshopper meant something But I did not understand it until after I was home and spoke to my mother.

But I felt a sense of calm, I didn't question it I just felt good. I traveled home and was home not a half an hour before my mother calls me to tell me that my Aunts health is deteriorating rapidly and it is then that I realized that was it!
It could have been her leaving her body and she was paying me a visit before she moved on. She is only here right now as a shell, no communication no awareness comatose if you will to me this had great meaning.
Sometimes you don't have to have a reason to believe. You just do.. You feel it and you can't explain it,  it  just IS.

There is a reason for everything  this was my profound spiritual moment :)

Just Want You to Know

As I sat in your room with you watching you put on your makeup, It brought me back to when I was a child and reminded me of how time is precious. How I appreciated that time and enjoyed watching you put your makeup on.

It's a reminder that it's the small things in life that can be monumental and we shouldn't take these moments though fleeting for granted.

I sat on your bed watching you , and my eyes started to well up with tears... They welled up with tears because I appreciate you, I Love You and I couldn't bare to be without you. The mere thought of one day you not being here for me to just call and say hi and hear your voice was devastating to me..
Horribly scary, As I see you struggling with your own fears, and pains I really can not bare the thought of losing you. So I just want you to know that I Love You, I appreciate you and all of our time together...

If I Could

If I could? I would, I would erase all of the pain , hurt, and sorrow in your heart.. I want you to know that when you hurt? I hurt, I might not show it like I should . Or enough but I see your struggle, I see the look in your eyes , and I feel your pain. I just want you to know that I Love you, and that I am hear for you .. As always , an ear to listen to you a shoulder to cry on a pair of arms to hug you.

Not even to speak if necessary, I am here, I will always be here for you as you have been for me I Love you , if I could? I would....

Life Is Good

Today like everyday , I am Grateful. I am middle aged, I am over all healthy with some minor bumps and bruises I am here  alive and kickin. I have all my limbs, all my wits, healthy children and Parents and an amazing man.
What do I have to complain about? Not a Damn thing.. I am happy in love and appreciated, Rich in Love , Family  and Values. I am at peace in my life, my soul and am glad to be an American.
Going down south to see my family for a mini vacation see you on the other side <3

Good Morning,

As you sit on the edge of your bed, rub your hands over your face and clean the sleep from your eyes and run your fingers through your hair I want you to not think about today as a stressful day. No matter what comes your way Breathe, Take it easy, enjoy life your freedom the people in your life and all that you have . Because you just never know.. Tell those you love in your life how much you love them hug them love your self, and forgive your self for mistakes that you have made . Because holding onto resentment and to things that you could have done differently? Can't be changed, Let 

Go... , Be..  Do... Love yourself and others..
Smile often, Take a chance today on something you normally wouldn't. Try something you never have before like a new food.
Be yourself No matter what. Because today is good day :)

There's No Manual that gets you ready for recovery from cancer. I wish they had one, that would be amazing.. But they don't so you are left on your own to learn and deal with all of the issues that come up  as you go along. It's very humbling I have to say. It isn't something that I like to talk about in great detail, But lately I feel like it is a crucial part of MY recovery emotionally , and Physically to talk about it.
I knew because it was on paper that I would have dry mouth, and a weird taste in my mouth, But the things that are deeper like at the age of 44 I'll get thrown into early Menopause, the tiredness that doesn't go away heavy legged, hair loss, that after a complete thyroidectomy and radiation that I would lose my teeth, that My sense of smell and taste have diminished.
All things that you can not really prepare for you are just thrown into the fire so to speak and we all cope differently.

My coping has on occasion been put off, and by that I mean as a mother you are looked upon by your husband and children as the strong one who is strong and family sometimes has  problems coping with you not being strong. I fought Cancer, and it looks like so far? I'm kicking it's ASS so I feel stronger than I have I a while.

The journey isn't over I have a bit more to go, but since I am busy convincing my children and husband that I am ok "I'll be fine" Sometimes you lose track of your recovery or the feelings that come along with it.
It's ok to cry, to still be scared I found out, and  I have a huge amount of gratitude for life and my family.
I will say this and no offense to anyone that has told someone you love and respect this-- A cancer survivor does not ever want to hear " Well, as far as cancers go thyroid cancer is the best one to have!! " NO.... I'm scared to death, Do Not minimize what I feel by telling me that  . I have all kinds of things I am going through physically  now and will be for how ever long and as far as I am concerned? The best kind of CANCER to have? IS NO CANCER :)
Thanks For Listening-- Feel Free to Add your comments

Adoption

Is a gift of Love,

To the child to whom the parent or parents can not take care of him or her.. Maybe because they are to young? Or perhaps money is an issue, family dynamics, situations are different and sensitive all the same. One can not know, assume or appreciate the situation in which one needs to consider adoption as an option, until they have gotten there.


It is for some? Rescuing their child. An Unselfish act to think of the child first above their own feelings to make sure that the child has what he or she needs and has a safe  home and stability.
Scared? Or be scared to do it all alone? Be in an abusive situation no one knows ... What I do know? Is that it is a huge act of love, and can complete a family who has been aching for a child and can not have one.

And on the other hand the other side of the coin is that there are so many women who can not have children , and want so desperately the opportunity to have and raise a child. Who have so much to offer but yet have physical issues and can't. Or perhaps the husband can not?  Or maybe it is a same sex couple.. Everyone should have a chance and yet have so many problems in the process.


What ever the circumstances may be, there are so many  parents and children who need to be connected for it is destiny..
I am all for it, I was adopted.. And I placed for adoption.  I have had a beautiful life, ups and downs as any family but a great life. Parents that picked me loved me were and are good to me to the grand children. What else could I ask for?
Culture, family trips, music, sports, unconditional love humor, good healthy environment I had it all. Beautiful :)

Laughter

It is the souls natural medicine..

And I know when we are really feeling down , and crappy hurt, betrayed .. The last thing we want to do is laugh. But when we do laugh? There is just something about the way that it makes us feel. Right?  When we truly laugh, not a giggle or under our breaths, but belting out laughing.

There has actually been studies about laughing did you know that?
It has literally been proven to help relieve stress, help release healthy triggers for healing  the body it makes us smile, and feel good.

There is something I have always tried to do , since I was young.. Make someone smile , or laugh. I love the feeling I get seeing the whole demeanor of someone change after I have helped them smile or laugh :)  It is an amazing feeling.. Laughter binds people together, I have bonded with many helping them feel better..

I want to be the Laughter Dr. Lol! Is that possible? And I don't mean comedian. Too much pressure, coming up with new material, things that people connect with and think is funny ya know?

So try to laugh as often as possible, enjoy people around you. And if someone else needs a laugh? Help give that to them they might really need it. Til next time .....

What Will They Remember?

Is it your smell? Smile, Laugh? Or the way you console them when they are sick? Or sad? The way you hug? The goofy quirky things you do? How you get silly with them?
The favorite place that you go with them? A book? A song that you sing them at bed time?

A favorite song ? Concert, or Movie? Or maybe,... It's the family dinners together, you going to family night at school, getting them from school when they really needed them. A hand to hold, A Look , A nod..

A bike ride, Walk, Park, Vacation.. Whatever it is they will never forget they will eventually appreciate  and will always Love you.

It's there in their being human able to be their own person, get lost to find their way back again...

What will they remember?

Someday I'll Do it....

Have you said? I know I have, Of course you have.. Everyone does! After all that is what adolescence is all about dreaming wishing and hopes . It's what gets us through childhood, pubescence and adult hood I don't care who you are . I find it almost necessary ,if not? How do we aspire to be great? To become ? Anything? An artist , musician, doctor, mother , father construction foreman, Ceo, whatever?

I have a few favorite Someday I'll do its. One is (And some people call this a Bucket List ;) )
One is  driving across Country in an RV and stopping along the way to see whatever we want to see, National Parks, The Largest Frying Pan, The Biggest Rubber band Ball, Largest Cookie Whatever! And another is to jump out of a perfectly good Airplane! Yes you read correctly, I have to ! Why not?
Singing on stage is another... But I can't really sing LOL so that won't be happening anytime soon.

So my question is, What about you? What do you "Some day " Hope you will do? I can not wait to hear the responses Thanks for Listening!

Got A New Tatoo Today

I love tattoos, I do... I am a Mother and I do not dress promiscuously I am laid back and artistic and am a respectable person. A lot of people look down upon tattoos and piercings.. I think if that is the way that you want to express your self? Go for it, I also think that it depends on your profession too.

That being said when I got my first tattoo I was 20, And I made sure that it meant something to me. It symbolized freedom , and Individuality to me. I waited many years to get a second one, and that as well means something to me. It means forever Love for my children and the man in my life.

Then 5 more years, I got my third, and this is mine and my partner's Birth years together but in Roman Numerals... I Love It!!

Respectable, nothing tacky or big... I think that art is accepted much more in the society of Now, and people don't gasp anymore They are actually curious and try to take time to understand it, look at it and appreciate it. Which is always a good thing.

Art is art, whether it is on your body (canvas) or a cloth canvas. So many more people have tattoos than ever before, I know it's a trend, but it has been trending and exploded!! I will continue to appreciate  body art . Got a new tattoo today that I Love!

Fashion

Ok, so this is boots weather ladies! Woohoo! Yes Finally get to break these bad boys out, got them on sale at the end of last season, and now the time has come! Boots Boots Boots Boots! Love me some boots, with skirts and leggings..

Over sized Sweaters, Shirts, Cute scarves... This is my weather, my favorite. Not hot, not cold .. A few warm days randomly thrown in yessss! Enjoy your boots and leggings and sweaters Ladies! For it is Fall :)

Adventures

They can be anything......

And when you have children, it's everything. Almost every outing can be made an adventure. And I think that is why we have so much fun when we're out together. It can be small little things that make the imagination wake, and have the kids wide eyed and excited.
If you live in a city, not the suburbs and you drive? Why not take the train? Or a bus? It's just turned into an adventure  as their brains are hungry for information, you are feeding them with knowledge to their questions..

Same with a park with trails, take a random walk get out there and turn your phones down and get the perfect walking stick and walk together. Pick wild flowers look down at some water look for fish, skip rocks talk about the trees. Give them the opportunity to love it as you do and appreciate nature.. It starts early and they will love it.

You're in a car? Play car games looking for color license plates, different states, Pepsi, Coke trucks. Life is an adventure after all go on ! Look, see ,smell, smile :)

I dedicate this post to You...

One does not know when you meet someone (generally) if he,/she is THE ONE". I will say that I felt it the minute I saw him, I was intrigued and needed to know more right then and there. I definitely was the pursuer.  My heart dropped" and I got this feeling , I just knew...

You might not agree, but I left my husband for this man ... Years later after my feeling was affirmed and we built a healthy strong beautiful relationship. But Yes I left and it was the best thing I could have done. I am happy, truly happy . He is a considerate , giving, and an unselfish man , and lover and an amazing father. There were in the beginning moments of doubt, until I really knew him and I don't doubt his intentions any longer.

No one "Knows" if this will last forever . Love, but one can hope and that we make the best of our relationship while we have it. People make mistakes, and things happen along the way. We learn from each other and grow together, if we don't and we aren't better people with the person we love then unfortunately I feel it's time to go.

There are situations where it is difficult to leave when you want , or need to. But you can't right away (been there). Be it's a money situation, abuse situation and you have to set up a safe place first I get that. But if and when you can? Do it, because it doesn't change... It only escalates and gets worse Only Once" turns into time after time .. Believe me been there too, But get out while you can you will gain your confidence back. You will see' after you are out of the situation just how unhealthy it really was once you have removed yourself from the sick environment you were in.

And if there is kids involved? They are helpless in this situation and stuck until you have enough courage to change the mess you're all in. So gather all of the strength that you possibly can if not for you? For those kids of yours and do it. Plan, gather , and save... Important things you need should be some where safe with someone you can trust... And Get out.

And then do not jump into a relationship until you have had a chance to heal you and your kids.
Love you first, invest in bonding with your children they are resilient, they will bounce back, but they need time too. And they will be forever grateful.

Unhealthy versus Healthy? I'll take healthy any day I am forever grateful for the man I ,We have in our life. I feel beautiful anyway but he makes me feel beautiful too.  The way he looks at me, the laughing we do together, he still checks me out" He notices the little things, He just knows, and makes sure that I am ok...
 I am safe and I know that I am loved :) Baby, I dedicate this to you-----

Which One?

Mountains? Or Beach? East or West Coast? Summer, Spring,Winter or Fall ?
Car, or Bike? Women or Men ? What kind of Politics? Music?  Traditional, Classic?  Religion? Religious or not?

Are you chill? Or Uptight? 
Are you business oriented? DO you drive take the bus or train? Maybe you ride your bike to get around..

Kids? No Kids and if no Why? City? Country? House, Big or Small? Apartment? Do you cook? Does he? What are the little things that mean the most to you that a significant other does with you? For you? What is your passion? Have you found it yet?

Just Curious,

These are things that have run through my mind. And I wonder  :)

What if This Isn't It?

Have you ever day dreamed about what if? What if after we live our beautiful lives full and happy as we can be and it is our time what next? What happens then? Does it all come down to each persons faith? Or is it more than that? Is it a faith thing at all?

Do we have to be religious or believe in a higher power to come back as something, or someone else? As an animal or some other form of life? One does not know, but I believe that it is healthy and productive to think there IS something else after life...

How would we know? Life as we know it on this planet is over until it is time for us to live again .. And so for now, the forever learning and curious me will continue to wonder "What If"....

Because I can :)

Discipline

How far would you go to discipline your children? How much is enough? What is too little? Love for our children is genuine.. Un conditional, and it is necessary to look out for our children. They are not always going to like us, and that is ok because we're not doing it right if they aren't angry at us from time to time. Right? After all, you can't be friends" With your child/dren until they are much older and realize what our true purpose is here in life. That our sole existence is not to serve them and for them to take us for granted... Right?

So that being said, I am curious as to how far would you go to lay into your kids to protect them either in the now, or for protection in the near or far future ? It is a valid question... I would really appreciate your stories, and sharing your experiences with me .. Tell me where and what, and why's.

Kids of all ages, Need Discipline.